Your Stories 

 "I am not sure why I am saying this, I’ve never told anyone before. We had messed around a couple times, and experimented with bdsm. We had a safe word, and we both knew it. We knew that it meant to stop what was happening, and unite all ropes right away. I was tied up on his bed, and he was about to fuck me. I couldn’t see what was happening because my face was pressed into a pillow. Feeling his penis touch my ass, I started to get scared. I don’t know why he had fucked me many times before but this time I didn’t want him to. I said the safe word but he didn’t stop. I said it multiple more times, screaming it by the end but he didn’t stop. Eventually I gave up and let him fuck my ass. Afterwords, he said he thought it was a game. And I was saying it as a joke to be a brat bottom. He is the only guy who knows I am bi. And I don’t want to tell others I am. I still see him because we are in the same friend group. I don’t talk to him though when I can avoid it, and I tell people he just isn’t my favorite but pretend it isn’t a big deal".

"First semester of my sophomore year I started dating this girl. Everything was going well until we had sex the first time. Immediately she forced me into situations I was uncomfortable with as she enjoyed degrading and penetrating me in ways I did not like nor was comfortable with. When I tried to stop it she would make fun of me for being gay and would threaten to tell people I liked being “pegged” if it didn’t stop. I was able to escape that relationship that winter, but it still has a lasting impact. Men can be victims too".

 "My freshman year of high school I was sexually assaulted. I was groomed by an upperclassman and he would shame me and degrade me if I ever said no. He made me meet him in the locker room and he took advantage of me. He wouldn’t stop touching me no matter how much I asked him to. He pushed my head down and forced me on to my knees and forced his penis into my mouth. After that, I had to go back to class and not say a word because he was on the football team and we all know how protected the athletics are. I’ve tried to move past it but I can’t. I can never look at my high school the same".

"After my boyfriend broke up with me, his friends created a group chat where they made many jokes about my body, called me the devil (?), etc. It was written off by people I knew at the time as normal. It made me feel awful :/".

"Once I was at a get together with a couple of friends and their extended older guy friend group. I was the youngest person in attendance. At this get together there was a guy a few years older than me whose name will be left out who chose to follow me from room to room when I would obviously choose to be in a space farther away from him. He asked me to share a seat with him, sit on his lap, or share drinks with him multiple times in that night and when I declined, asked again, and again until someone else intervened or I left the room. He continuously tried to get me alone with him even after I explained that I wasn’t interested and had a boyfriend. That night I refused to sleep in the same room as him because I was simply afraid of what he would do. I later learned he had behaved in this same manner at other parties with a girl that I knew. He blamed this behavior on alcohol, but after that night was not invited to any other get together held by that friend group if alcohol was present".

 "I got into a relationship around the beginning of my sophomore year. It was my first serious long-term relationship, and it moved quickly. We both struggled with depression, and our mental health went off the deep end a few months in. It became incredibly toxic and codependent, and the manipulation only got worse as his mental health declined. He would guilt-trip me into spending time with him even if I didn't want to, and made me feel awful if I was late or busy. That guilt-tripping spread to our sexual relationship. He manipulated and pressured me into sex countless times, and wouldn't stop when I wanted to be done. I specifically remember telling him that it was hurting, I was stressed out and I wanted to be done, but his response was "Come on, it'll be quick." He pretended to care about my wellbeing, but continued to ignore boundaries. He gaslit me for months and told me I was the only reason he hadn't committed suicide. For a while, it was a fact of life that he'd probably go through with it if I broke up with him. After we broke up for the last time, he logged into my snapchat to read through conversations and saved photos for any proof of wrongdoing that would justify his paranoia, accused me of cheating to anyone who would listen, and told other people about our sexual relationship. Saying yes once does not mean saying yes every time, and manipulated consent is not consent under any circumstance".

"I was in a class with a guy who would constantly harass me. He always touched me and tell me about how I looked during class. I got so many points taken off from my grade because I kept having to turn around to ask him to stop. That class I ended up with a bad grade. I told a councilor about it. I was pulled out of a class one day to write up about it. Nothing happened to the guy. He continues to snapchat my friends. We all know he is creepy. But when I told him that he was he called me crazy".

"My freshman year was the best year ever. I made lots of new friends and had a lot of fun. Then the summer I was on vacation and a guy that I did not know tried to drug me while we were at a party and started touching me. I managed to get away before it escalated. But I was left not trusting anyone. When I got back to school I had grown and looked older and guys started to notice me more and hit me up. I became really mean to people and overly defensive and lost almost all of friends. Then during my junior year I was finally getting friends again and was having a good time until I was raped in a nearby city. I was so afraid to loose friends again that I blocked it out of my mind. When guys hit me up I mostly do what they ask because I’m so afraid to lose friends again. I go to parties and I cannot let lose and have fun but I’m afraid people will think that I am boring. If a guy talks to me I’m always so uncomfortable but I pretend to be ok because I don’t want to have to repeat the loneliness of my sophomore year. I’m afraid I will never find anyone I can get close to because I can’t let out my feelings".

"When I was a freshman in high school i started dating a guy and it was fine for a while until he started to get really controlling and would control what i wore, where i went, what i did and who i could be friends with, i couldn’t be friends with any guys. I couldn’t even wear tank tops or shorts. If i couldn’t be friends with guys, i returned the favor which backfired and big groups of popular girls hated me for it, and tormented me, not understanding what was going on behind closed doors. It progressively got worse, i would talk to a guy friend and he would start crying and threaten to kill himself, shove me, call me worthless whore, among other thing all while we were at school. it was worse when we hungout alone. He pressured me into taking my virginity and pressured/begged me into doing sexual things to him at school which i wasn’t comfortable with. I constantly said no but i was just a freshman I had no clue what to do. One day it got so bad he abused me at my house, I told my friends and they went to the police without my permission, making it so much worse for me and created so much more drama and destroyed my mental health even farther. I knew going to the police would do nothing in the first place, and i was terrified of what he would do to me so i covered for him. This continued for a year and a half".

"I was a freshman and I wanted to make some new friends, there were these people i met through a mutual friend and they introduced to their friend group it was great for while until all the drama started, there were a few guys in this friend group and when all the drama was happening i got closer with one of them at first it was nice cause til that point I never really had guy friends we got closer and one day i went over to his house to comfort him when his s/o had broken up with him we ate ice cream and watched TV but then he started getting touchy and I felt really uncomfortable so i said i has practice and I tried to leave but he said “if you leave i’m gonna kill myself” so I stayed and he started to touch me in places i’d never been touched before I remember being so scared after that I didn’t wanna be friends with him but he kept saying he’d kill himself so the sexual assault continued until i told one of my friends and that’s when it stopped he said “you could’ve said no” but i was so scared and he didn’t ask me if it was okay and i still have nightmares about it to this day".

"When I was a sophomore in high school, I was sexually assaulted by my friend and then forced to work as his partner in my classes. I had recently broken up with my boyfriend and he was apparently interested in me...and every other girl. He would call me all the time asking for sexual favors in return for rides home from school or help with homework. It was uncomfortable but I took them all as jokes “boys will be boys”. They were disgusting messages, calling me a whore saying that sexual favors were expected from me. He then started coming to places I was, trying to find me to perform sexual favors on him. He showed up to my house, unannounced, unwanted, uninvited and he laid on my bed and started to undo his belt. I was disgusted, immediately questioned what he was doing. He took his pants of fully, grabbed my arm and told me to “give him dome”. I had forcefully gone to the bathroom and waited till I heard him leave. The worst part is I didn’t even realize what he did was sexual assault and coercion. I didn’t realize that was illegal and predatory. I was forced to be friends with him, partners with him, sit next to him and go over to his house for club activities".

"I was involved in the play in the spring of my freshman year. During this time I grew closer to an older boy in his junior year. What started as friendship eventually led to more when we found ourselves making out in the basement at a house party. He was only the second guy I’d kissed. Several weeks later I attended the cast and crew party after the play closed. I was interested in spending time with him and we began to make out once again late in the night when everyone was asleep. He took me into a private room and we lay on the floor. As we kissed, he ran his hands up under my shirt and stroked my stomach and back. He told me his hands were a fire truck and that I should say “red light” when I want him to stop. He moved his hands lower and lower and I became uncomfortable in my sexual naïveté. As he reached my waist band I vocalized what I believed to have been a safe word: “red light”. He responded that fire trucks do not stop for red lights, and he kept going. I didn’t know how to speak up without creating an uncomfortable situation. He performed fellatio on me without my consent. Several days later I overheard him making jokes about my genitals. The entire situation made me feel powerless, excluded, alone, and confused. He never apologized".

"My freshman year of high school I started dating someone that I had known for a while. It was my first relationship and I thought I could trust the person I was with. The first month we were dating was good and we were okay but then he transferred to my school and things started to go downhill. He became extremely controlling of my friends, what I wore, and who I talked to. He threatened to break up with me several times because I was "too showy" and had to many guy friends. He said that if I wanted to be with him, I had to stop being friends with everyone I was friends with at the time. He isolated me from everyone, put me down constantly with verbal abuse, and made it so I was reliant on him. After enduring verbal abuse, it started to turn into sexual abuse. He would force himself on me constantly even though I would tell him that I wasn't ready. He would say that I was an I was just nervous and would continue to do so. He said that if I really loved him, I would have sex with him. I kept saying that I wasn't ready and that I didn't want to but he never listened. He would fight with me and get angry if I didn't comply so I became afraid and stopped fighting. I was raped and assaulted for a couple of months before we broke up. People always question my story and "why I didn't just leave" but they don't understand that's how abusers work. He isolated me from all of my lifelines knowing I didn't have a good enough relationship with my family to tell them, verbally abused me until I became depressed, and made me believe that he was the only thing left in my life so that's why I stayed. I wish I had been taught about unhealthy relationships and the signs so that I could've woken up and realized what he was doing to me at the time rather than several months after it ended".

©2020 by BVSD Survivors. 

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